A hard day...

Well we started off the new year. I have all of these ambitions, goals, and aspirations for 2017. I know that it will be a great year. I know this because life is what we make it. Last year we had some of the hardest trials of our lives. Our marriage was struggling, we didn't know where or which directions we should take. It was a struggle. But with those struggles came amazing blessings. We bought our home, which has helped unite our little family more than ever. 2016 had many many blessings.

For some reason, I let Satan get the best of me. In fact, I have let him do that on and off for quite a while. I am so so hard on myself. I like to think I am normally a positive person with a good outlook. But inside I struggle with anxiety. Some days, i let it get the best of me. I am real, I am not perfect, and I have anxiety.
I will overcome this challenge, but most of all I will learn from it. I am able to recognize it, and have coping mechanisms to deal with it. But some days, I am down in the dumps and cannot pull myself out of it. Today, Kylee and Nash got me through it. They were the light beaming in my day. As I look back at my day today,  I smile this big smile when I pick kylee up from school. I talk all about her day. I hear her stories, her struggles, and we chat. We talked about how there is a girl in her class that sends her notes and says "if you don't want to be my friend, thats FINE" Kylee kindly writes back, "i do want to be your friend".
We talked about how, when I was in middle school, I had to deal with this. But she is much younger, she is so special. I hope that whatever she has to continue to deal with in her life friend wise, that she will be able to decipher between good and evil. She will. On the other hand, I got a message today from another little friends mom. It said,
 "Haley really adores kylee, Kylee has been such a good friendship for her. Most of her friends went to the new school this year, so she was having a rough time until she met kylee"
As I read that, I thought, wow, kylee is brand new here. She makes friends wherever she goes. She is a light to others, especially me.

I pulled up my two favorite conference talks today. On two different occasions. I also kneeled in prayer twice more in the middle of the day. These are the two:

"behold thy mother"
"tomorrow will work wonders among you"
Both are by elder Holland.

Here are a few points that spoke to me today,

"only the adversary, the enemy of us all, would try to convince us that the ideals outlined in general conference are depressing and unrealistic, that people don't really improve, that no one really progresses. And why does Lucifer give that speech? Because he knows he can't improve. He can't progress, that worlds without end he will never have a bright tomorrow. He is a miserable man bound by eternal limitations, and he wants you to be miserable too. Well, don't fall for that. With the gift of the Atonement of jesus christ and the strength of heaven to help us, we can improve and the great thing about the gospel is we get credit for try, even if we don't always succeed."

"Thank you for your crucial role in fulfilling the purposes of eternity. To all mothers in every circumstance, including those who struggle--and all will--I say, Be peaceful, believe in God and yourself. Your are doing better than you think you are. In fact, you are saviors on mount zion, and like the master you follow, your love never faileth. I can pay no higher tribute to anyone"

 "To all of our mothers everywhere, past, present, and future. I say Thank you for giving birth, for shaping souls, for forming character, and for demonstrating the pure love of christ"

"keep loving. Keep trying. Keep trusting. Keep believing. Keep growing. Heaven is cheering you on today, tomorrow, and forever."

In conclusion, today was a hard day. I was battling myself. I was so stuck in my own head, and the crazy thing is, its all internal. But, it will not carry over. I have too many blessing and too many things to look forward to. I feel like sometimes, when you require more out of yourself, its sometimes harder. I started new years off by bearing my testimony. It was a hard, solid testimony. Kylee and I started over reading the book of mormon. Its all the little things that we do, and Satan wants me to be miserable. He tries to creep in, in every aspect or hole in my life. I won't have it. I have too much love to give. I am grateful, blessed and above all have faith in the Lord Jesus Christ. I KNOW that he comforts me, listens to me, and wants me to have joy.